From the very moment of our birth we are exposed to a number of physical and emotional sensations that many times we cannot even describe. If this happens as adults, imagine what it can be like for a child who still doesn’t clearly recognize the thousands of moods they go through every day. For this reason, education for emotions or commonly called Emotional Intelligence, is one of the tasks that parents and teachers have, since it is key that children learn to express their emotions without hurting others and to be empathetic with others.
In order to talk about this regulation of emotions, the first thing will be to recognize the stage of development in which the child is. For example, we know that tantrums are very common between the ages of two and three, then towards the age of 9 children will be going through a kind of permanent “boredom”, in which they don’t like anything, and so on. Throughout life there are different stages that of course are accompanied by sensations, emotions and feelings that are very clear and manifested in various ways. The key will be to educate minors so that when going through each moment they know how to manage their emotions.
Note that I am talking about managing and not controlling, because control refers to a blockage and when it comes to emotions, blockages are anything but healthy. Blocking emotions makes you look for another way to express them that will not always be appropriate. For example, and I can imagine that it has happened to many that when they worry, instead of having a reaction according to this feeling (feeling anxious, nervous, uncertain) they get angry and scold. This is very common in people who, when faced with a risk that caused them fear, anguish or worry, the reaction of their parents or caregivers was «don’t be a chicken, are you going to be scared by having to walk in the dark through the runner?» or the child who, when he fell and scraped his knee, was yelled at from a distance “nothing happened, get up and continue. Do not Cry».
These and other blocking reactions are what prevent the person from achieving emotional maturity that allows them to act appropriately in each situation and when talking about children, blocking emotions instead of solving the problem, for example tantrums, which What he does is increase them in frequency and intensity and when he is an adult who has not been able to adequately manage his emotions, he will be a person who feels resentment (consciously or unconsciously), he does not achieve emotional fulfillment even though he has all his basic needs covered (he is a person who tense easily) and it will be very difficult for you to express what you feel in a proportionate way.
So, to develop a healthy manifestation of emotions, you must work on 3 fundamental elements:
- Identify one’s own emotions and also identify the emotions that others are experiencing;
- Knowing what is happening to me, thinking about what is making me feel that way in order to self-regulate and
- learn to express and channel emotions in such a way that it strengthens interpersonal relationships and not deteriorates them.
To cover these three pillars, it is necessary to promote spaces in which children can think about their emotions (what they feel and what they think others feel), put into words the most appropriate way of expressing and regulating emotions, giving great importance to communication with parents, teachers and peers, to channel the energy produced by emotions, manifest and express them in such a way that allows them to feel relieved and calm at all times.
For young children, drawings and toys are a great help because that way they can see and process those emotions, at these ages they should act more and talk less. When the children are a little older, a conversation with some reflection will be very important, but this will only be effective when the child is calm and relaxed to also promote fluid communication.
A great tool to help in this training is to look at ourselves, since children generally reflect what they see. All emotions have a psychological component that is verbalized by naming them (angry, sad, tired, scared, etc.) and is accompanied by a physical component (jaw tightening, turning red, trembling hands, etc.) when it is possible to identify, in which part of the body the emotions are felt, the easier it will be to release that tension and express oneself healthily. For example, when a person is very angry, they feel tension in their hands, legs and even in their head, for this reason often a bad temper is accompanied by violence (in children and adults a bite or a blow to others or to things) If when you are in a bad temper you feel tension in your hands, you can do the breathing exercise to release tension through air circulation and by letting go of your hands like making a spider with your fingers.
Emotions, as I said before, handle energy and energy must flow so as not to remain locked up and explode, hurting others or ourselves. A great responsibility is to find the best way to express emotions without losing control and seeing the full picture, good management of emotions allows us to be assertive in communication, consistent with our life project (doing what we like and enjoy it without hurting others) and support the growth of others in our care.
Finally, I leave you with this exercise in understanding emotions, which I hope you can put into practice at home and take advantage of for a reflection with the children and remember that when we give power to positive feelings, we achieve forceful transformations in life.
Author:
Juliana Jaramillo Portella
Positive Parenting Coach Kids Town.
